Christ – Total Surrender

Gratitude

As we start off the New Year, many of us are writing down our resolutions, or creating goals we’re preparing to reach. The past few years I’ve heard more and more people talking about choosing their “one word for the year” With the plan to be more intentional about living that word out through the year.

I’ve never chosen one before. And I didn’t plan on choosing one this year either. Mainly because trying to pick just one seemed difficult, since there are so many different aspects of life I want to continue to grow in.

*I encourage you to read the following verses in your Bible, or looking them up as you read the next few paragraphs*

But lately as I’ve been doing my Bible study, in journaling, and in prayer, one word has continually been pressing on my heart, and that is gratitude.

The past two months I’ve been reading through the Old Testament, and learning at a new depth of the Lord’s goodness. Reading about His creation (Genesis 1) and amazed that I can experience it daily. The writings of His power and provision (Genesis 37-46, Exodus 3-4 & 13-14, 1 Samuel 17, and many more) stirring my heart to awe. And seeing His faithfulness as He makes His covenants and keeps them (Genesis 8-9 & 12-17, Exodus 19, 2 Samuel 7, Jeremiah 31:31-34)

At the same time in reading throughout the Old Testament, I’ve continued to see a new depth of the wickedness of us in our flesh. The fall of creation (Genesis 3), the continued corruption of man’s heart (Genesis 6), and rebellion against the Lord and His commands (Genesis 16 &19, Exodus 32, Numbers 14, 1 Samuel 15, 2 Samuel 6, 11, & 24, as well as many more). And it doesn’t stop there.

“Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said ‘Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.’ Now the manna was like coriander seed, and its appearance like that of bdellium. The people went about and gathered it and ground it in handmills or beat it in mortars and boiled it in pots and made cakes of it. And the taste of it was like the taste of cakes baked with oil. When the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell with it. Moses heard the people weeping throughout their clans, everyone at the door of his tent. And the anger of the Lord blazed hotly and Moses was displeased.” Numbers 11:4-10

Now when I first read this passage above, I was frustrated and angry. I was thinking “are you seriously complaining, when God just brought you out of slavery (see Exodus 7-14), with the promise of a new land filled with all you would need, and He’s even giving food along the journey?” And as I was growing in my frustration, I stopped and realized I’m no better than they are.

How many times have I passed up an opportunity to praise the Lord for what He’s done, because I was complaining about another desire? Or wallowed in pity, as He removed one thing to lead me to something better? What about ignoring a blessing He has bestowed, because it wasn’t how I thought it would be?

Ask yourself these same questions. The wickedness we see in the Old Testament, the people rebelling against the Lord and ignoring His commands, continues in us. You may not have a golden statue that you praise, but is there something you’re putting ahead of the Lord? Is your time, relationship, entertainment, or money an idol in your life? You may not have touched the Ark of the Covenant as Uzzah did (2 Samuel 6:6-7), but are you doing something He has commanded you not to? Have you lied, cheated, stolen, disobeyed your mother or father? Maybe you’re not complaining about eating manna day after day, but is there something else you’re complaining about instead of trusting in the Lord’s steadfastness?

We are sinful. But the Lord is merciful.

“Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband declares the Lord. For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying ‘Know the LORD,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” Jeremiah 31:31-34

This covenant that the Lord made, was fulfilled through Christ (Matthew 5:17) , as He died on the cross for our sins. And through faith in Him alone, we receive the gift of salvation, knowing that we will be with the Lord for eternity.

So as 2024 starts, I have decided to intentionally walk in gratitude. I want my heart to sing His praises, not reside in ungratefulness or complaints. And in my flesh, I may fall in this, but I can start right now by thanking the Lord that He has paid the debts of my sins and failures through His Son! And for His redemption, making me new that I may desire to live for Him!

If you’re sitting here wondering “have I been forgiven?” “am I saved?”, or “what does any of this mean?” I encourage you to reach out to a believing friend, local church, or you can even go to my contact page for questions.

Now I want to know from you, what are you grateful for today?

-Ellie Marie

Satisfied in You

We have just about everything at our fingertips. A message can be sent across the globe, in a matter of seconds. You can download whole seasons of a tv show, and watch it all in one night. Potential relationships can be swiped through, with just a glimpse of their lives. You can even heat up food in less than a minute, all with the click of a button. The list goes on and on.

Yet, there is still a consistent longing among us. A discontentment that resides in our hearts, as we search for something more. Deep down, we know the instant gratifications of this world can not fulfill us.

We desire something more, because we need something more. And our thirst will not be quenched with having the newest technology, buying a self help book, or the completion of a D.I.Y. project you’ve been working so hard on. Eventually the excitement wanes, something newer comes along, and we realize it was just a temporary bandage constantly needing to be replaced.

What is it for you? In your flesh, what/who do you run to for comfort, peace, or to complete you?

“Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” John 6:35

There is only one who can truly satisfy us.

-One who fully knows you (Psalm 139)

-One who is always with you (Joshua 1:9)

-One who is consistent through eternity (Hebrews 13:8)

-One who deeply loves you (John 3:16 & Romans 5:8)

In Christ, we are made whole. We can rest in His grace and mercy. Knowing that because of His sacrifice on the cross, we are able to have the gift of salvation.

Our life will have it’s trials and tribulations. But when our hope, joy, peace, and satisfaction is rooted in the Lord, we are able to still say it is well.

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” Psalm 42:1-2

Contentment found in the Lord has been a prayer of mine for years, and one I want to continually grow in. And if you find yourself looking to be completed by different things in this world, I urge you to pray that God will transform your heart, to find your satisfaction in Him alone.

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for your goodness and graciousness. Thank you that through You, we are made whole and complete. I pray for our hearts and minds to be fully focused and content in You, Lord. Let any idols or distractions that seek to come first, be rooted out of us. I pray for a growing desire in the pursuit of knowing You. In Jesus name, amen.

I encourage you to intentionally set time out of your day to spend with the Lord. Spend time in prayer, praise, and reading His word. Go to Him with your hopes, confessions, doubts, excitement, or questions. And if you haven’t yet, and want to put your faith in Christ, pray and acknowledge Him as Lord and savior!

Don’t let the busyness of life, take priority over your relationship with God. The dreams you’re planning, project you’re building, person you’re dating, etc. These things may be important, but they can never fully satisfy you.

Only in Christ alone.

-Ellie Marie

Birds of the Air

Photo by Anthony Gurrola (@anthonygurrola)

I’ve spent a good portion of my life wrestling with anixety.

Stomach aches and fast heart rates. Chipping away fresh nail polish, while sitting in the very back row. Always making sure I had an escape plan for any scenario, all while telling myself in my head “you’re fine, just keep breathing.”

I’m sure you’ve been there before. The population of those who struggle with anxiety grows every year.

It can feel hopeless, as your fears just seem to get more all consuming. I remember that feeling.

My anxiety has ranged from being nervous in social settings, to not being able to drive a car out of fear of what could happen. There were somedays I barely felt like I was living.

At the beginning of 2020, on a Sunday evening, my church small group got together. There were about 35 of us that showed up, and I was on high alert. I sat on the edge of the circle, and kept my thoughts to myself. That is until they paired us off in prayer groups.

In that moment I felt a wave of exhaustion. Tired of living in constant fear, of always looking for new coping mechanisms, of always coming up with a plan.

I looked up at my prayer partner, and poured my heart out to her. I’m pretty sure I said more in that moment, than I had all year in our small group. We then prayed together, that I would no longer find my comfort in a zone but in the Lord, for forgiveness of the selfishness of my heart as I had a constant focus on me, for a deeper trust in God.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:25-34

The passage above (Matthew 6:25-34) is one I read a lot growing up. One I’ve continued to read often.

While it is not a promise of a perfect, or easy life here on earth, these verses are a reminder of the love God has for us. That He is in control, and His plan is far greater than we could ever imagine.

Being anxious about the people around us, how we look, or what the future holds for us, will not do anything. Yet trusting in God will change everything.

After I prayed with the woman in my small group, there was a radical change in my life. Starting the very next day.

A group of people (none of which I knew very well) at my church decided to go hiking, and invited anyone to tag along. It was also about 30 minutes away, which meant I would need to drive there.

I thought back on the words I pleaded with God the night before. Next thing I know I’m saying “count me in!” and getting ready to go. My heart still raced the entire way there, and my hands were a little clammy on the steering wheel.

It was time though. Time for me to fully surrender the anxiety I carried around my whole life. Time to trust in Him more than I trusted in myself.

That evening was one of many opportunities, that God has used to push me out of my comfort zone, and grow me the past two years. It has been painful, and nerve wrecking at times. Yet through it I have been able to say it has been good, and more importantly HE IS GOOD!

As my desire to seek out the Lord, and to serve Him has grown, the focus on myself has lessened. Including the anxious thoughts about what I need to do, or what people think of me. I praise and thank Him for the place that I am now.

There are still moments of anxiousness, and I fall short. But as we see in the scriptures, and as I have witnessed in how He has moved in my own heart, His grace and love for us conquers.

If you’re struggling, I encourage you to surrender it to God. Go to Him with your fears and worries. Confess and repent of ways you’ve fallen short, and ask for His loving forgiveness. Pray for opportunities for God to grow you, and prepare your heart with truth for when they come.

This is not a one time prayer, or a one time action. It has been an ongoing process for me, a constant refining. Yet each time, I learn to trust Him more and more. I hope to continue doing so through out my life.

Next time you’re in a moment of anxiety, think of the birds. Think of the lilies. Think of the grass in the fields. Go to God.

-Ellie Marie

*I also want to address in addition to your spiritual health, to check in on your mental health. Anxiety can have different roots, sometimes coming from a chemical imbalance, or other environmental factors too. If you are in need of prayer or want someone to talk to, always feel free to go to my contact page, and fill out the information boxes 🙂

Nothing but the Truth

“If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice truth.” 1 John 1:6

This verse right here calls out the middle ground territory. The balancing act of one foot in this world, and one foot in the kingdom of God. It calls out the idleness, and lack of pursuit in my heart lately.

To grow in anything, you have to practice. And that takes work. Intentional time in the word, carving out specific parts of your day for the Lord, going to your neighbor and loving them well. To grow in truth we must practice it!

But somedays I’m tired. Somedays I just want to aimlessly watch tv. Or my schedule is just so busy. All the while my Bible sits on my nightstand, as I click “next episode” In all honesty, this has been a pattern in my life recently. And day after day I’ve felt a numbness growing where there once was joy. Sure I still showed up to church, I’d play the occasional worship song on my way to work, but my time spent with the Lord became infrequent.

As the past few weeks went by, I’ve noticed slight changes in my thoughts. I’ve began to pick at my identity, and buy into lies easily. I’ve searched more for validation than for truth. I’ve let this become a routine, and have settled into it.

Until a few days ago, around midnight.

I had been trying to fall asleep for hours, but just couldn’t seem to. As I laid there, I replayed my day in my head. Moment after moment, I realized I did not even recognize myself anymore.

My heart broke with that realization. Because I was not living as I was called to be, a daughter of the true King. Instead I felt myself living in a weight of darkness.

I went to the Lord, filled with disappointment in myself and unrest. After that I went to some close friends, and asked them to join me in prayer. And to each of them I asked specifically for one thing; to be surrounded in His light.

*Also praise the LORD for the gift of community, and friends who care about your relationship with Christ*

The next morning I woke up to multiple messages of encouragement through scripture, and prayer. One friend invited me to join her in a study of Luke, one chapter a day. I knew I needed to get in to the word more, and this invitation was a reminder of that. So I pulled up the Dwell app, and listened to the first chapter of Luke on my way to work.

“To give knowledge of salvation to His people in their forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” Luke 1:77-79

As I drove and listened, I noticed how bright the sunrise was that morning, how beautiful it was. That’s when Luke 1:77-79 was read, and I was joyfully overwhelmed. These verses not only spoke directly to where my heart was at, but reminded me of the gift that the gospel is, and who I am in Christ!

My prayer to be surrounded by the light was answered in the literal aspect with the sunrise that morning, but also in the way that I found myself pushing in to God’s presence. The numbness that I had been feeling, was replaced with peace and joy.

His word is alive, and it fills our souls. These past few weeks have shown me how empty I am, apart from His truth. How unfulfilling the things of this world are. And why it is so important to be actively pursuing in my relationship with the Lord.

Are you actively pursuing truth, or settling into things of this world?

Over and over again the past few weeks, I have tried to figure out what was wrong. Why I felt so depleted, and how I could fix it. All of my solutions failed though, or caused me to feel like I was sinking lower.

But when I was brought to my knees with a heart of brokenness, it was then that I had started to have a deeper understanding that there is nothing that can truly satisfy, nothing but the truth.

-Ellie Marie

The Lord’s Purpose > Man’s Plan

If you know me, you know I’m a planner.

You can guarantee I have a link to set up a potluck sign up sheet, or a balloon pump for surprise parties. More than that though, I’m often setting up a timeline in my head, trying to figure out the best way to get things done. Yes, that can be a good thing. Sometimes though it can get taken a little far. Especially when I start thinking it’s my way.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

Proverbs 19:21 was a wake up call I desperately needed to hear, and God has definitely been making sure that I have.

Backing up to December 2020, I had my life all figured out. Or so I thought. As the season was ending at my job, I planned to take a few weeks off and enjoy the holidays. Come beginning of January I would have a new job, and be working on my career. I would be saving up money, and be working towards eventually putting a down payment on a house. Starting to look for a potential serious relationship. Overall sounds like a decent plan, right?

Well, that is not what happened.

For the first three months of this year, I was pretty much bound to my bed, as we struggled to find a diagnosis of what was going on. The job I had planned on getting? Kind of difficult to do when you can barely stay awake. Those savings towards a house? Those started to dwindle, as even though I wasn’t working, I still had expenses. And a relationship? Ha. It’s safe to say things were not going as planned.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

The first few weeks consisted of me trying to get back on my feet, trying to take control of the situation on my own. I set doctor’s appointments, I budgeted my savings, I worked on my resume. None of those things were bad to be doing necessarily, but the problem was that I was relying on what I could do.

As I felt the continuous downward swirling, I decided to take a week off of social media, and away from distractions. I thought it would help me clear my head a bit.

In the moments of quiet, God softly put in on my heart to question “Am I trusting His plan or mine?” The realization overwhelmed my heart, as I finally saw the path I was trying so hard to create was of my own will, not His. Bringing me to another moment of total surrender, as I prayed for forgiveness, and a growing trust in His plan.

“Instead you ought to say ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:15

“Let Your will be done” became a continued prayer in my life. I began to see the moments I was stuck at home, as a beautiful time that I could have uninterrupted reading in God’s word. While my plan to work towards moving was put on hold, I’ve been able to enjoy more time investing in my relationships with my family. There was a renewed joy in my life, as I pressed into the Lord, and His plan.

One Thursday, a few weeks later, multiple events happened at once. My doctor’s finally confirmed a diagnosis (adrenal gland failure for one please.) We were able to get a supplement that I now take daily, and I began to function normally again! Then my former employer called me, offering a training position for a few months. Since then I’ve been able to work, and rebuild my savings. Most importantly though, my relationship with the Lord has grown, and my dependency on Him has deepened.

None of this was what I thought would happen this year. Yet I am so thankful that the Lord so graciously brought me to my knees, and brought me to the realization of needing to trust more in Him.

As I’ve continued praying James 4:15, my life has continued going in directions I never planned for. As my time in my training position is coming to an end, an opportunity arose for a new job, which I’m excited to announce I just accepted! The Lord has also placed some new ministry opportunities on my heart that I’m very excited about. Yet that meant also saying no to some things that I had planned for. Although it’s not easy to say no to something we want, I can guarantee a desire for the Lord is greater than any things of this world.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Looking back on this past year, no matter what worldly circumstances I have endured, I have felt peace in Christ’s presence. His plan does not mean “easier”, it is said there will be tribulation. Yet we can rejoice in the fact that He has overcame it all. We can rest that we don’t have to rely on our own plan, but can in His, which is perfect.

I pray that in the moments of temptation, when my flesh desires to trust in my own plans, that I will seek Him. I encourage you today to ask yourself the question I asked myself not too long ago…

“Am I trusting in the Lord’s plan or my own?”

If you’re struggling with trusting in the Lord, and need prayer, please reach out. I would love to join you in doing so! Because God’s purpose is truly so much greater than man’s plan.

-Ellie Marie