I’ve spent a good portion of my life wrestling with anixety.
Stomach aches and fast heart rates. Chipping away fresh nail polish, while sitting in the very back row. Always making sure I had an escape plan for any scenario, all while telling myself in my head “you’re fine, just keep breathing.”
I’m sure you’ve been there before. The population of those who struggle with anxiety grows every year.
It can feel hopeless, as your fears just seem to get more all consuming. I remember that feeling.
My anxiety has ranged from being nervous in social settings, to not being able to drive a car out of fear of what could happen. There were somedays I barely felt like I was living.
At the beginning of 2020, on a Sunday evening, my church small group got together. There were about 35 of us that showed up, and I was on high alert. I sat on the edge of the circle, and kept my thoughts to myself. That is until they paired us off in prayer groups.
In that moment I felt a wave of exhaustion. Tired of living in constant fear, of always looking for new coping mechanisms, of always coming up with a plan.
I looked up at my prayer partner, and poured my heart out to her. I’m pretty sure I said more in that moment, than I had all year in our small group. We then prayed together, that I would no longer find my comfort in a zone but in the Lord, for forgiveness of the selfishness of my heart as I had a constant focus on me, for a deeper trust in God.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:25-34
The passage above (Matthew 6:25-34) is one I read a lot growing up. One I’ve continued to read often.
While it is not a promise of a perfect, or easy life here on earth, these verses are a reminder of the love God has for us. That He is in control, and His plan is far greater than we could ever imagine.
Being anxious about the people around us, how we look, or what the future holds for us, will not do anything. Yet trusting in God will change everything.
After I prayed with the woman in my small group, there was a radical change in my life. Starting the very next day.
A group of people (none of which I knew very well) at my church decided to go hiking, and invited anyone to tag along. It was also about 30 minutes away, which meant I would need to drive there.
I thought back on the words I pleaded with God the night before. Next thing I know I’m saying “count me in!” and getting ready to go. My heart still raced the entire way there, and my hands were a little clammy on the steering wheel.
It was time though. Time for me to fully surrender the anxiety I carried around my whole life. Time to trust in Him more than I trusted in myself.
That evening was one of many opportunities, that God has used to push me out of my comfort zone, and grow me the past two years. It has been painful, and nerve wrecking at times. Yet through it I have been able to say it has been good, and more importantly HE IS GOOD!
As my desire to seek out the Lord, and to serve Him has grown, the focus on myself has lessened. Including the anxious thoughts about what I need to do, or what people think of me. I praise and thank Him for the place that I am now.
There are still moments of anxiousness, and I fall short. But as we see in the scriptures, and as I have witnessed in how He has moved in my own heart, His grace and love for us conquers.
If you’re struggling, I encourage you to surrender it to God. Go to Him with your fears and worries. Confess and repent of ways you’ve fallen short, and ask for His loving forgiveness. Pray for opportunities for God to grow you, and prepare your heart with truth for when they come.
This is not a one time prayer, or a one time action. It has been an ongoing process for me, a constant refining. Yet each time, I learn to trust Him more and more. I hope to continue doing so through out my life.
Next time you’re in a moment of anxiety, think of the birds. Think of the lilies. Think of the grass in the fields. Go to God.
-Ellie Marie
*I also want to address in addition to your spiritual health, to check in on your mental health. Anxiety can have different roots, sometimes coming from a chemical imbalance, or other environmental factors too. If you are in need of prayer or want someone to talk to, always feel free to go to my contact page, and fill out the information boxes 🙂
Total Surrender 