If you know me, you know I’m a planner.
You can guarantee I have a link to set up a potluck sign up sheet, or a balloon pump for surprise parties. More than that though, I’m often setting up a timeline in my head, trying to figure out the best way to get things done. Yes, that can be a good thing. Sometimes though it can get taken a little far. Especially when I start thinking it’s my way.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21
Proverbs 19:21 was a wake up call I desperately needed to hear, and God has definitely been making sure that I have.
Backing up to December 2020, I had my life all figured out. Or so I thought. As the season was ending at my job, I planned to take a few weeks off and enjoy the holidays. Come beginning of January I would have a new job, and be working on my career. I would be saving up money, and be working towards eventually putting a down payment on a house. Starting to look for a potential serious relationship. Overall sounds like a decent plan, right?
Well, that is not what happened.
For the first three months of this year, I was pretty much bound to my bed, as we struggled to find a diagnosis of what was going on. The job I had planned on getting? Kind of difficult to do when you can barely stay awake. Those savings towards a house? Those started to dwindle, as even though I wasn’t working, I still had expenses. And a relationship? Ha. It’s safe to say things were not going as planned.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
The first few weeks consisted of me trying to get back on my feet, trying to take control of the situation on my own. I set doctor’s appointments, I budgeted my savings, I worked on my resume. None of those things were bad to be doing necessarily, but the problem was that I was relying on what I could do.
As I felt the continuous downward swirling, I decided to take a week off of social media, and away from distractions. I thought it would help me clear my head a bit.
In the moments of quiet, God softly put in on my heart to question “Am I trusting His plan or mine?” The realization overwhelmed my heart, as I finally saw the path I was trying so hard to create was of my own will, not His. Bringing me to another moment of total surrender, as I prayed for forgiveness, and a growing trust in His plan.
“Instead you ought to say ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:15
“Let Your will be done” became a continued prayer in my life. I began to see the moments I was stuck at home, as a beautiful time that I could have uninterrupted reading in God’s word. While my plan to work towards moving was put on hold, I’ve been able to enjoy more time investing in my relationships with my family. There was a renewed joy in my life, as I pressed into the Lord, and His plan.
One Thursday, a few weeks later, multiple events happened at once. My doctor’s finally confirmed a diagnosis (adrenal gland failure for one please.) We were able to get a supplement that I now take daily, and I began to function normally again! Then my former employer called me, offering a training position for a few months. Since then I’ve been able to work, and rebuild my savings. Most importantly though, my relationship with the Lord has grown, and my dependency on Him has deepened.
None of this was what I thought would happen this year. Yet I am so thankful that the Lord so graciously brought me to my knees, and brought me to the realization of needing to trust more in Him.
As I’ve continued praying James 4:15, my life has continued going in directions I never planned for. As my time in my training position is coming to an end, an opportunity arose for a new job, which I’m excited to announce I just accepted! The Lord has also placed some new ministry opportunities on my heart that I’m very excited about. Yet that meant also saying no to some things that I had planned for. Although it’s not easy to say no to something we want, I can guarantee a desire for the Lord is greater than any things of this world.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Looking back on this past year, no matter what worldly circumstances I have endured, I have felt peace in Christ’s presence. His plan does not mean “easier”, it is said there will be tribulation. Yet we can rejoice in the fact that He has overcame it all. We can rest that we don’t have to rely on our own plan, but can in His, which is perfect.
I pray that in the moments of temptation, when my flesh desires to trust in my own plans, that I will seek Him. I encourage you today to ask yourself the question I asked myself not too long ago…
“Am I trusting in the Lord’s plan or my own?”
If you’re struggling with trusting in the Lord, and need prayer, please reach out. I would love to join you in doing so! Because God’s purpose is truly so much greater than man’s plan.
-Ellie Marie
Total Surrender 